


Parental Guidance

by beepboopwriting



Category: Gorillaz
Genre: (covering all bases here!), (in its own little gorillaz way), Awkward family bonding, Bullying, Dialogue Heavy, Diary/Journal, Family Bonding, Gen, Getting to Know Each Other, Humor, Language, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Phase Four (Gorillaz), mild sexual references
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-01
Updated: 2018-11-27
Packaged: 2019-07-14 14:09:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16042043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beepboopwriting/pseuds/beepboopwriting
Summary: An old fling and the court ordered Murdoc Niccals to spend time with his daughter that came from an affair 10 years ago.The kid hates him, and he expected that.





	1. Mirror Image

_1-14-16_

_Mother needs me to meet someone. She said to dress pretty and look like a doll and that we were going to the courthouse. I wonder who is of such importance that I have to go to the courthouse. Maybe she sped and we have to pay a speeding ticket, or maybe we're going to get her new license plate. This is a new car I'm riding in, and Mother wants me to look nice. Courthouses are pristine, after all. Maybe she’s got a friend at the courthouse, one who hasn’t seen me since I was a baby, or maybe someone who’s never seen me at all._

"Carrie, angel, put the journal up. We're almost there!" rang her mother's voice from the driver's seat. The young girl lifted her dark eyes from the book, set the navy ribbon between the pages as a bookmark, and put the cap on her red ink pen.

"To the courthouse?"

"Yes. It's about ten more minutes. Get my purse and run that brush through your hair. You're gonna look pretty for this," Her mother insisted as she looked both ways and swerved the car to the left. Carrie did as instructed, unzipping the back pocket of the purse and grabbing the brush. She gazed up at the mirror and lazily brushed the dark hair on her head. It wasn’t frizzy to begin with, and the hair still laid limp upon her head even if the bristles wanted to change it up. Carrie always did as her mother said, though; she was too nice to disobey. The car stopped at a stoplight, and the woman driving quickly pulled out a tube of lipstick and evened out the red on her lips. She puckered a few times, put the lipstick back, adjusted her silver name tag (“Maggie” written on it in gold letters), tussled her hair, and drove on once the light changed to green. “I guess you don’t know who we’re seeing today, do you, baby?” Maggie sighed, her eyes darting back to look at her daughter with a sort of guilt.

“No idea.” Carrie responded. “You just said somebody.”

“I know. It’s been a long time coming, but I thought it was time.”

“For what?”

“Carrie, honey. I don’t really know how to say it without everything feeling awkward,” the woman said with a slight laugh to her voice, “but you’re a mature young girl and I think you can take it.”

“Alright.” the child nodded. “I think I can too.”

“That’s good. He’s...um…”

“An old friend?” Carrie guessed. “You always like showing me off to your friends.”

“Oh, well, not really, honey.” Maggie sighed. “He’s-”

“Mother, you’re gonna miss the turn. The courthouse is right over there.”

“Oh!” Maggie gasped. “Oh, whew! Thank you, darling. That would’ve been bad if I missed it.” The woman then gave her daughter a soft smile, and she focused back onto the road as she warily pulled into the parking lot. Silence laid stagnant in the air as Maggie searched for a spot, focused on centering her parking, and gulped when she saw the cloud of smoke rising from a figure leaning against the wall of the building. It was 9 am, for God’s sakes, and the man’s already smoking. Unsurprising. “Okay, we’re here. I’ll open the door for you, sweetie, so just stay there, alright?” Maggie said with her kindest smile as she exited from behind the wheel and walked outside to open the door for her daughter. Carrie brushed the minimal dust off her skirt, grabbed her coat and journal, and hopped out of the car. She closed the door behind her and felt as her mother’s hand grasped her cold one.

“Are we going inside?”

“No, baby, he’s outside.”

“Oh, okay. That could be him, over there. With the cigarette. That him?” Carrie asked.

"...Yeah, that’s him.” Brisk winds blew Carrie’s hair around her face and she squinted her eyes as the two of them got closer to the figure. The sound of her mother’s heels against the concrete and the following of her cheaper Mary Janes behind them filled the eerie silence that she could tell was enveloping her mother. Steps after steps were taken, and Carrie’s mother cleared her throat to speak up. They must’ve gotten to him already. “Hello. Long time, no see, hm?” Maggie called.

“Oh, wasn’t expecting you here so soon, love! Things get pretty hectic at the visa offices, I thought.” the man smirked as he tossed the cigarette to the ground. His boot stomped on it and he extinguished it as his smile got a bit wider. “It’s extremely lovely to see you again, though.”

"Cut it out, Murdoc.” Maggie spat. “I mean, sincerely. I didn’t come here to have you try to butter me up again.”

Carrie coughed at this in an (surely fruitless) effort to divert attention from whatever this conversation was becoming. _Buttering_ _her_ _up_? Carrie only knew that phrase as a romantic term, and one her mother wasn’t too fond of. Looking back up at this man- Murdoc, she assumed - brought a chill down her spine. His mop of black hair matched the shade of her own angled cut. His eyes were dark and depressingly tired, much like the ones Carrie used to study him. How he stared out into the world reminded Carrie of how she looked out the car windows on the way to the courthouse. Carrie knew all of this man’s features to be familiar to her, and it made her stand in a complete daze of confusion. This was nonsense. _It_ _couldn’t_ _be_. _It_ _can’t_ _be_. _There’s_ _no_ _way_. The young girl ducked behind her mother in anxiety.

“The little one’s kinda shaky. You feeling alright?” Murdoc chimed in. “Maggie, dear, don’t think she’s lookin’ too good.”

“Shush it.” Maggie retorted as she tugged gently on Carrie’s arm. Her voice once riddled with a poison towards this man was now soft as a blanket as she addressed her daughter. “Now, come on out, Carrie. It’s okay.”

“I don’t bite, you know. Least, not anymore. You know well I did, though, love.” Murdoc joked. The laugh that followed his tease reminded Carrie of nails on a chalkboard, and she sighed heavily. After much deliberation, she dusted off her skirt with her free hand, coughed once more, and waved politely.

“Nice to meet you, Mr. Murdoc. I’m Carrie.” she muttered through her pursed lips.

“Carrie, Murdoc. Murdoc, Carrie. There, introductions out of the way.” Maggie said, and she held her breath in a sort of anticipation, weighing two choices in her mind. Carrie was an observant girl and could put two and two together, so Maggie debated whether or not to confirm whatever beliefs she assumed her child was holding. The other option was to have the three of them walk in to talk to someone more professional, someone who could assess the situation with no bias or strings attached. It was her idea to finally contact custody officers and have the skeevy bassist finally take care of, well, his- 

* * *

"Child. They’re definitely your biological child, Mr. Niccals. Mirror image. Absolutely no denying it.” explained the man behind the desk. “DNA tests can’t lie nowadays. The question, though, remains. Did you know about this child?”

“Well, if we’re bein’ honest, then maybe there was a pit feeling that I could’ve knocked her up.” Murdoc shrugged. “Seems I was right.”

“When you put it that way, you sound like an utter _dick_. I tried to contact you a million times after the fact!” Maggie argued. Murdoc made some slightly snide remark back, and there was a bit of bickering as the lawyer behind the desk attempted to calm them down. Carrie, however, sat quietly on a chair to the left of the mother and soaked it all in. That man, green and crass, was Murdoc Niccals. He was bassist and founder of a big time band called Gorillaz, and he was also the answer to the mystery of Carrie’s father. He was a womanizer back in his day (“not anymore,” he said to Maggie as they waited for the lawyer to return from getting some paperwork, “been tryna change my ways over these past few years”), and somehow he had met Carrie’s mother. Now here they all were almost 10 years later. Carrie was too tired to take it in by this point, and knew at some later time it would all hit her. Her lack of a father never really concerned her. Her mother was a capable woman with a steady job working with handing out visas for foreign employment and a tendency to always get Carrie not only what she needed, but what she wanted. Life was alright with just the two of them. This sudden entrance of a father, one so well off and famous, however, seemed fake. None of it felt authentic, and despite their uncanny similarities, Carrie didn’t want to believe it at all.

“Alright, no more need for this petty arguing. We’re here to agree on terms. Now, Mr. Niccals, sir, it’s time for you to be responsible.” The lawyer instructed.

“Ha! Funny one, mate.” The bassist snickered.

“I’m dead serious, sir. You’re perfectly capable of providing money for your child, and Maggie requests that you should spend some time with them,” The man said with a fierce sense of authority before turning to face the woman. “Am I correct, ma’am?” Maggie nodded to agree with his statements, Murdoc grumbled but half heartedly accepted his new duties, and Carrie sat still on her seat with a thousand yard stare. Having to spend time with this man? Someone she’d never known and perhaps never would’ve? Carrie felt her eyes begin to water, but she choked back the tears. No way she was going to cry in front of this stranger- yeah, that’s what he was- a stranger.

“Well, I think that clears most of it up.” Murdoc shrugged as he got up from his seat and put his hands in his jacket pockets. “I’ll come on in the mornin’ and get her, I guess. Take her to the studio."

“Get me? Pick me up?” Carrie questioned as she leapt off her chair and stood with a panic. “He’s going to get me?”

“Oh, just for a few days a week!” Maggie ensured. The look of her daughter in a sense of confusion immediately melted off any thorns she presented when speaking to Murdoc and she grabbed on to Carrie’s hand tightly. “No, he’s not taking you forever, silly. I just thought it was time for you two to meet. You're old enough. Just stay here for a little bit, okay, baby? I’ve got to talk to him one on one for a while.” Maggie gingerly kissed her daughter’s forehead and stood back up. “Murdoc. Me, you, outside. Since you’ve lost contact for the last ten damn years, best I can do is at least give you some basic information on _our_ child.” She finished her statement by stomping towards him and dragging him by his jacket collar to lead him outside. The door shut loudly behind them, and Carrie looked to the lawyer in a look of bewilderment.

“I don’t like him,” She said with a firm tone.

“No, I don’t think anyone does.” The man added as he turned to look the child in the eyes. “Nobody at all.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> :3c a new multichapter!!! because what's better than humanz, humor, and a goth murdoc kid? nothing. absolutely nothing.
> 
> thank you for reading and hope you enjoyed <3 feel free to leave kudos, comments and bookmarks and stay tuned for updates!!!


	2. Routine

It was a very simple routine, really: wake up, eat, get dressed, go to school if the day required it, get back home, write in her journal, eat again, bathe, and go back to sleep in order to repeat the cycle again tomorrow. Today was, sadly, nothing like it. Instead of the nice and leisurely awakening Carrie usually had at 8:00 am, she was rudely woken up by the sounds of some cranky voice telling her to “get up and get goin’, the album wasn’t gonna record itself” while opening her blinds to show off the blinding sunlight. The voice’s owner (Murdoc, she had no doubt) left before Carrie’s eyes were fully open, and the breeze from her now ajar door made her grit her teeth as she sat up from under her covers. Grabbing the journal on the bedside table beside her, she scrambled for a pen from her bucket full of them and had her hand fly across the paper.

_1-15-16_

_I have no wish to die, but if it were to happen today? That’d be fine. Anything seems better than ~~my father~~ Murdoc. Anything. _

She slammed the cover down and reopened it to see an imprint of the words on the page opposite it. Carrie didn’t care at all if the ink was smeared; in all honesty, she only wrote something down in the journal to keep up some semblance of her usual routine. The routine was now obviously ruined, so she guessed she had to go along with it. It wouldn’t stop her from going along with it begrudgingly, however. She hopped out of her bed and walked towards the corner of her room. Two kittens laid there with their eyes alert; it was as if they had waited all their nine lives for Carrie to wake up. Seeing her up so early caused them to mew sweetly, and the girl smiled.

“C’mon, Nono. C’mon, Vivian. You’re gonna keep me sane today.” Carrie laughed. She kneeled down to scoop up the little balls of fluff and she placed them upon the bed. “Wait for me to get dressed.” The cats responded with a small meow, and Carrie giggled. She turned to her closet and she looked over her abundance of skirts, blouses and dresses. Brown eyes looked over and over until they landed on a jean dress and its accompanying white turtleneck, black hair swished as Carrie grabbed the clothes off the hanger, and pale brown skin peeked out from under the oversized sleeves. She looked in the mirror, took a deep breath, and turned back around to grab her necessities for the day: her journal, her crimson backpack of old notebooks, her small cats cuddled in her arms, and a scowl as she exited her room and walked down the hall towards the living room.

As expected, her mother was sitting on the couch next to Murdoc. The two of them seemed to be having a stern conversation, but Carrie wasn’t paying attention. Instead, she stood in confusion, surprised to see another man in the room. He was sitting quietly on the small loveseat in the corner, his white eyes staring anywhere but at the bickerers. Oh, how she related.

“Good morning, Mother,” spoke Carrie with a deadpan voice, “a morning to you, Mr. Niccals, and a good morning to you, sir.” Carrie nodded in the stranger’s direction. The stranger turned his head and smiled politely with a wave. “Are we ready to leave?”

“Soon as you get rid of those cats.” Murdoc said with a bit of disbelief in his voice. “I mean, really? We don’t need anymore of those running around the equipment.”

“The kittens are coming whether you like it or not, Mr. Niccals,” Carrie snarked with a slight stomp on the ground and the ever permanent look of annoyance she carried whenever she saw her father. “I think they’d be nice company. Better than your own, I’d assume.”

“Huh. The kid’s a bit of a smart aleck, isn’t she?” Murdoc muttered with folded arms as he turned to look at his old fling. Work must’ve called in early, or Maggie wouldn’t have been this feisty nor as dressed up.

“Like you aren’t.”  Maggie responded with a quip before she walked to give a peck on Carrie’s cheek. “Now, you take good care of her, alright? Utmost care. None of this crazy, well…” Maggie paused to think before excusing herself in front of her daughter for the things she was about to say, “Well, this crazy Gorillaz bullshit while she’s with you.”

“We can assure that, Maggie. Promise. Just recording today.” the stranger said with another kind smile. Carrie was immediately drawn to him, and she walked forward to wait on initiating a conversation with him while her mother breathed a sigh of relief.

“Thank you, Russel. Really. It’s been a pleasure to finally meet you in person, and I’m sure you’ll keep senile over here in check.” The woman teased.

“When don’t I?” Russel laughed as Murdoc scowled and slumped down further onto the couch. Maggie smiled as she slipped on her shoes. “I’ll be off now! Murdoc, don’t dump looking after her on the others. Your kid, your responsibility.”

“Yeah, okay, okay. No worries, love, I’ll take her out for ice cream and mow the lawn while I’m at it!” Murdoc sassed. Maggie didn’t appreciate the sarcasm, and so she let Murdoc know through a glare. He rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. “Trust me, Mags, she’ll be _fine_.”

“Alright. Bring her back at 6:00. Have a nice time, Carrie! I’m sure they’ll have something nice for you there.” Maggie concluded. After this, she walked back to kiss at Carrie’s forehead again, dusted off her shirt and finally exited the house. The door closed quick behind her, and Carrie was now stuck in the room with her father, a no longer stranger called Russel, and Vivian and Nono mewing in her arms.

“Now, you’re Carrie, huh?” Russel asked. “Russel. Drummer. Here because I couldn’t trust Murdoc here to get you himself.”

“Oi, you only came because you were tired of staying inside. You know I’m capable.” Murdoc argued.

“Yeah, and last time you handled a nine year old you lost her at a venue for 4 hours. _Totally_ trustworthy.”

“Shut it.”

“Yeah….” Russel started as he reached a hand out to pet at Carrie’s cats, “no.” Carrie laughed at this exchange, and before she knew it were her cats being cradled in Russel’s arms.

“I think they like you!” the girl smiled, “ That brown and white one is Nono, he’s really quiet. Be careful with him, he’s a little younger. The other one is Vivian, and she roughhouses a little. I hope they’ll like the others when we get there.”

“Oh, I’m sure they will. We’ve got a cat there too, so it shouldn’t be a problem. There’s already tons of fur in the car. They shouldn’t be scared.”

“Hmm, nice. Speaking of the car, Mr. Niccals, I’ll be waiting there for you. If you came early, we’re leaving early.”

“Ah, finally you’re talking sense, kid!” Murdoc said as he sat up from the couch and walked to ruffle at Carrie’s hair- or would’ve, but the kid’s eyes read danger and even Murdoc knew that to mess with a sassy pre-teen girl would result in death. Pulling his hand away from her head was the fastest he’d ever pulled back from anything before (and maybe if he were better at pulling _out_ , too, he wouldn’t be in this situation with Carrie in the first place), and he shrugged. “Now, c’mon. It’s a lovely car we have out here, and I’ll even make Russ sit in the back! Whatta ya say?”

“I prefer the back, thank you.” Carrie stated as her hair blew in the wind as she walked down the steps of her porch to the car and attempted to open the door. “Farther away from you, much cozier.”

“Well, suit yourself. I’ll let you do what you want! I’m gonna be the ‘fun’ dad, after all-”

“Just quit while you’re ahead, Muds.” Russel interrupted as he placed the smaller of the kittens into the bassist’s arms and smirked. “God, the kid really does look like you.”

“Yeah, I know. Mirror image. Despite her attitude, it’s beautiful how much she favors me.” Murdoc sighed. “Isn’t it lovely, Russ?”

“Lovely, but God bless her soul. She didn’t do anything wrong to deserve having your ugly ass mug.” Russel laughed as he descended down the stairs and turned to motion at Murdoc. “Now, let’s go. I think that’s Vivian I gave you, and she gets antsy.”

“Coming, coming. You’re driving though, like I could with this little thing clawing into me.”

“It’s because she doesn’t like you.” Carrie laughed. “I don’t blame her. Now, unlock the doors. You said it yourself, old timer. Albums don’t make themselves.” Carrie said as she took Vivian away from Murdoc and scowled at him again. You know, for good measure.

* * *

They had made it a fourth of the way to the studio in silence until Murdoc coughed and finally spoke up.

“Silent treatment, huh?” He said while looking at Carrie in the mirror. He was expecting a response as he knew from the brief time he’d spent with the girl that she’d snark back at every word dared to utter, but her closed eyes and slight, simple breathing gave away she wouldn’t be snarking at all. Instead, she would continue to rest easy. Her cats slept on her lap as well, and the sunlight from the window warmed them.

“She’s sleeping. Let her be, will you?” Russel asked as his arm leaned against the window of the car.

“I _am_ and I _will_ , Russ. I'm not an idiot.”

“You’re not a dad, either, you know.”

“Maybe not,” Murdoc argued while he slowed the car down due to the traffic in front of them. “Maybe not. Mind you, I’m not perfect with this whole thing yet. Not exactly the ‘go-to’ when it comes to raising kids.”

“Can’t argue with that, but at least make some sort of effort.” Russel suggested as he watched the lanes beside him moved at a pace much faster than theirs. “She hates you now, but maybe if you put something into it then she’d-”

“I am making an effort! I’m letting her sleep instead of making her talk to me. There’s my first win, Russ! I got it!” Murdoc insisted as he let the car inch closer and closer with the rhythm of the traffic. He seemed to be getting stressed about the situation, and he searched for something to make it seem as if he knew what he was doing. “Besides, we got Noodle at this age, huh? If we could handle Noodle, I can handle Carrie.”

“There were three of us, Murdoc. Three of us looking after Noodle. A joint kind of thing. Who’s Carrie’s father?” Russel asked, his attention now focused on the man with his grip tightening on the steering wheel as he yelled inside his mind for the traffic to hurry up already. “Think it’s you.”

“Yeah, thought you knew by our mugs, mate.” Murdoc recalled. “What are you getting at? I’m gonna look after her. I’m driving her to the studio, right? I’m letting her sleep, right?”

“Right.”

“So what’s the problem?”

“Whatever the problem is, it’s not mine. Listen, you’re off to a good start, at least. We’ll be there if you want us to, but ultimately you’re gonna be the one who interacts with her. She’s got your own ‘royal Niccals blood’, doesn’t she?” Russel asked, complete with air quotes and a motion towards the napping Carrie in the backseat. The question lingered in the air, and Murdoc had lots of answers for it, but the only answer he could say was the simplest.

“I guess she does,” he said after a long pause, “ I guess she sure as hell does.”

“She sure as hell does.” Russel repeated as they sat in traffic, waiting ages for the buildup of cars to end and the long road ahead of them to open up once more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah i published this earlier but i've made it longer because Why Not?? anyway, carrie hates him and russ roasts murdoc
> 
> stay tuned for updates!


	3. Banded Together

Immediately after Carrie came to and realized she had fallen asleep in the car owned by her utter disappointment of a father, she felt a blush on her face and looked out the window to avoid embarrassment. There was no showing soft sides here, and especially not in front of Murdoc. She was spending time with him for her mother and for the sake of her happiness only. To feel comfortable enough to doze off in Murdoc’s presence already felt like a loss to her.

“Ah, you’re awake!” the driver called out as he saw the girl in the back rubbing her eyes. “Nice sleep?”

“I wasn’t sleeping. My eyes were just resting.” Carrie argued.

“Okay, pumpkin, whatever you say. Had to get your eyes to wake up because we’re almost to the studio. C’mon, rise and shine!”

“Mr. Niccals, I told you! I _wasn’t sleeping_!”

“Yeah, you were.” Murdoc laughed. “Don’t get all in a twist, though. Us Niccals need our beauty sleep.”

“I’m _not_ a Niccals.” Carrie scowled, folding her arms. “I’m just Carrie and I refuse to be associated with your name!”

“Calm down, kid! You don’t wanna be all cranky in front of the rest of the band, huh?” Murdoc asked while he slowed the car down, his eyes scanning for the road on which the studio stood.

“Maybe I wanna be!” Carrie fired back with a childish anger in her voice.

“Okay then! Fine by me!” Murdoc shot back.

“Fine by me!” Carrie ended the conversation with a huff, and she turned back to the window, her irritated expression reflecting back at her. While she pouted, Russel tried to hide a smile behind a hand as he looked at Murdoc groaning due to the small fight. What a sight it was to see mean old Murdoc shot down and left speechless by a nine year old girl! He smirked at the tired eyes of the man driving and he relaxed as they drove the small amount of road left to the studio. It wasn’t long before Murdoc pulled into a small lot, parked the car, and huffed out to wait on his passengers to exit after him. Russel exited first and walked around to Carrie’s door. He opened it with a smile, let her out, and offered to carry Vivian and Nono inside.

“C’mon, kid.” He said, and the girl’s furious expression disappeared. “Time for Murdoc to show you around.”

“Oh, you’re not coming?” Carrie asked with a sigh.

“Oh, no!” Russel backtracked as he pushed the door closed with a foot, “No! I’ll be there, but I think it’s Muds’ responsibility to show you around. It’s _his_ band, after all.” The drummer teased. His smile widened as he said this blatant lie, but it was all for the greater good. If there was anything he was going to make sure Carrie learned during these visits, it’s that she could always avoid the wrath and attention of Murdoc Niccals if she knew how to stroke his ego.

“And you’re damn right, Russ. Knew it was good keeping you around! Now, why don’t you go on ahead and let the others know we’ve made it? Prep them for my girl’s arrival.” Murdoc suggested.

“And be careful with the kittens!” Carrie added on.

“Whatever you say. See ya’ll around.” With that, Russel gave a small nod goodbye and walked off towards the doors of the studio. The remaining two watched as the doors opened automatically and Russel left their sight. Without the other man to keep Carrie from yelling, the girl huffed.

“Whatever. Make it quick, Niccals. I do kind of want to see the instruments.”

“Ah, well, we’ll make sure of it! You know, you’re front and center for the recordings of our newest album, kid. You excited?” Murdoc asked as he strolled confidently towards the doors, an annoyed Carrie stomping her feet behind him.

“Maybe. I haven’t heard any of your music except a few songs. Mother keeps around an old CD of yours.”

“Really?” Murdoc said with a hint of surprise. “ _Really_?” He repeated, and a smirk arose on his face. “Wow. Only gave it to her get into the country. Sweet of her to keep it around.”

“Gave it to her to _what_?” Carrie asked with cocked eyebrows and a confused expression.

“Oh!” Murdoc sputtered, a slight chuckle escaping from his lips. He had said too much. “Nothing, nothing, nothing! None of your business, Carrie. Point is, youngin’, is that you’ve heard one of our best works.” He continued as he paused in the hallway. He stood waiting in hopes that the girl would ignore the mention of the album- no need for her to know how and why her mother got it.

“It was okay.” Carrie admitted. “Wouldn’t consider it a classic except for the one song.”

“Be more specific, kid. We had fifteen amazing tracks on that treasure of an album.” Murdoc laughed as he continued to lead the way to the Gorillaz studio. Carrie thought of it a moment. She stopped in her tracks to think about it, causing Murdoc to sigh with a hint of annoyance and pause beside her. The studio wasn't going to wait much longer, and the others would most definitely go on without. He snapped, hoping the sound would speed the girl up.

“Oh, it was the one with the piano at the end. Something about planets.” Carrie finally recalled. “It’s really pretty. That’s about it, though. I always thought it was, at least.” She shrugged as if to say she wasn’t quite sure if her guess about the title containing planets was accurate, but it also conveyed that she didn’t care either way. Murdoc, however, pinned the song immediately and beamed.

“Every Planet We Reach Is Dead, huh? Classy gal you are. You know, our guitarist wrote that entire album, and you get to meet her and our singer! You lucky little lady, you.” Murdoc continued on, his voice spilling and refusing to stop as he escorted Carrie to the doors of the studio where the other band members were.

“Oh, we’re here.” Carrie noticed as she peeked into the small window and saw Russel laughing along with two other people. One was tall, lanky, black eyed and blue haired, and Carrie immediately worried for him. The other was a shorter woman with choppy black hair and a cat in her lap, and Carrie immediately wanted to be her. “I’ll walk in first. You can follow behind.”

“I’m introducing you, Carrie,” Murdoc explained, seemingly trying to justify why he should be first to enter the room, “and I won’t say anything to ruin your quirky pre teen image, love. Promise you that.”

“Fine.” Carrie sassed back with a quick teasing flick of her tongue following it. Of course Murdoc couldn’t mention it at the moment, but the girl’s tongue was longer than usual and he just _knew_ it was him who passed it down to her. This gave him some small, miniscule, blink and you’ll miss it sense of fatherhood, but he shook it off before he had any chance to let it sink in. He didn’t have time for all that mushy garbage. With a cough and a nervous ruffle of his hair, Murdoc opened the door and let Carrie walk in. He was behind her as she asked (though he swore he’d never let it happen again).

“We were wondering if you got lost!” the woman laughed as she lifted a hand to hide a growing smile behind it. Her dark eyes darted to the new figure in the room, and she gasped. “Oh my god, Murdoc, she does look like you. I TOLD you she’d be his twin! I told you!” called out the woman loudly in order to grab the attention of the man beside her. Her yelling was accompanied by a slight hitting on the man’s head with her hand.

“That bet wasn’t official, you know.” the other man in the room argued back. His voice was high and a little airy, and Carrie snickered quietly. “We were half asleep.”

“No, D, _you_ were half asleep.”

“...ah, you're right. You always get the best of me.” The man sighed, and he diverted his attention to look at the child with a smile and a wave. The woman joined in with another wave, and Murdoc took it as his time to begin the introduction of his daughter.

“Noodle, 2D, I’d like you to meet this little baby, eh? Her name’s Carrie, and if you couldn’t tell by the ruggedly good looks she has? This is my girl.” He started, a proud voice booming as the remaining three of the band looked on with vacant stares. Carrie assumed they were used to this sort of bragging and showmanship in his storytelling.

“Carrie! How nice to meet you! I already met your sweet little kitties, but not you!” the woman smiled as she got up from her seat, placed the cat on said seat and walked up to offer a handshake to the girl. “Name’s Noodle!”

“I’d like to meet your cat too, please!” Carrie beamed. “Oh, and nice to meet you as well, of course.” Carrie extended her hand to shake Noodle’s, and the girls shared another smile before Noodle let go and motioned to the blue haired man sitting with his legs crossed on the floor.

“And this is 2D! He’s our singer, and quite the _handsome_ thing, isn’t he?”

“Noodle! You’re embarrassing me! She’s a child, you know.” 2D retorted. He stood up with this statement, and Carrie was awestruck by just how tall he really was. To be quite honest, she thought it majestic in a sort of comical way.

“Yeah, and you’re not even handsome. Suck on that.” Noodle teased back, a light kick hitting softly on 2D’s ankle. Russel watched from the back and smiled at the antics those two were getting up to, and Carrie watched the two in a state of peace. She could tell by just the three of them and their interactions that Carrie would enjoy her visits here, but her small daydreams were interrupted by Murdoc’s voice continuing its bold speech. _There_ _always_ _had_ _to_ _be_ _a_ _catch_ , _huh_? 

“I expect you treat my kid with some respect-”

“Yeah, ‘cause we sure as hell aren’t giving you any.” Russel piped in. A laugh from Noodle followed this, and Carrie couldn’t help but laugh along too.

“Haha! Funny, Russ! I’m rolling on the floor, ready to piss myself!” Murdoc laughed with no emotion, a grimace on his face. There was a pause before he spoke up again, and with a peppier tone to his voice. “Now, again, be nice to the kid, alright? Alright.” Murdoc finished his speech before he clapped his hands. Carrie found it odd how quickly his mood could shift, but she didn’t have the energy to call him out for it at that time. Perhaps she’d talk about it with her mother? She thought it over for a moment. Meanwhile, Murdoc walked off towards a small armchair in the corner of the room. He patted the seat of it, looked at Carrie, and nodded. “Now, this can be your spot for the day if you fancy it. Real leather, comfy, table beside it to set your things down on, and most importantly? You get a front row seat to the conception of Gorillaz’s kickass comeback album! Perfect spot, if I say so myself.”

“Perfect.” Carrie repeated in a deadpan, and she strolled over to the chair and hopped onto it. She settled in, nodded, and told Murdoc to shoo. She was perfectly capable of sitting in a chair and keeping to herself, and there was no reason for the man to talk to her much longer. “Now, go. Play your bass or whatever. I’m fine sitting here. Quietly. Without your attention. Call if you would...die without me or something.” Carrie then pulled her journal out of her bag, uncapped her pen and went to silently writing down the recap of the past few hours. Murdoc walked off from her and towards his bandmates, where Noodle, 2D and Russ stood with slight mischievous smiles.

"Wasn't lying about being cranky, was she?" Russel laughed. 

“She’s a bit of a snark,” 2D mentioned, “I guess she really is yours if she’s a little rude like that.”

“Watch it, guys. She’s just not used to this, is all. Sure she’ll warm up.”

“Nobody ever does, Murdoc.” Noodle chimed in as she walked off to grab her guitar and sat down to tune it. “Now, we’ve got four hours before we head off to lunch. Are you gonna command we ‘become Humanz’ or what?”

“Sounds alright. Hey, Carrie!” Murdoc called. “You ready to get your world rocked?”

“No!” Carrie called back with a sneer, “Not at all! But you can try your best!”

“Oh, we will, sweet.” Murdoc called back as he plugged up amps, pointed at 2D to start warm ups, and called out the name of the song the band was about to practice. “We will."

* * *

_1-15-16_

_Charger is a stupid name for a song._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> finally, some murdoc and carrie one on one interaction. also, backstory on how murdoc and maggie met (it's really silly but hey! fun to figure out). also, noodle and 2D start forming the Ultimate Carrie Sibling Squad. finally, Humanz mention- Carrie's gonna hear some sick Barz, alright B)
> 
> stay tuned for updates! <3


	4. Eating Your Words

Noon came about quicker than Carrie had ever expected it to. She was viciously looking at the clock and counting down the hours until Murdoc would drive her home and she’d be rid of his putrid self for the evening. Despite this meticulous tracking of time, she didn’t notice just how fast the time was moving. Her thoughts were mostly concerned with the loud sounds of the band rehearsing (she swore if she heard that beginning riff of Charger one more time, she’d scream), but they were interrupted when Noodle clapped her hands and garnered the attention of the entire room.

“Alright, pack it up boys! We’ve got reservations.” She said as she sat her guitar down on its stand and started making her way over to Carrie.

“What?” Murdoc asked while adjusting the microphone stand (because apparently 2D didn’t do it well enough), “What reservations?”

“We set aside some reservations for that new uptown bistro, remember? You _do_ want to treat your daughter to a fit meal, right?” Noodle asked.

“I don’t remember ever setting those aside.” The bassist asked fuzzily. He squinted his eyes and looked around to the other members of the band. “She tell you about this? Cause I sure as hell don’t remember.”

“Oh, yeah!” 2D piped up as he knocked his head as if to say he was a fool for forgetting, “Noodle n’ us took some money from your account to set them aside after you mentioned you had to look after Carly.”

“It’s actually Carrie, sir.” Carrie corrected, an understanding smile on her face. She had no time to focus on how her father’s offended expression made Russel laugh. She’d probably lose it if she looked at Murdoc’s face; the girl had a reputation to uphold. She instead kindly corrected the singer on his mistake.

“Carrie! Yeah, Carrie. That’s it.” 2D muttered to himself. “Guess I should go get fancied up for the place, right?”

“If you want. We’d have to head upstairs to do that, though. Wouldn’t mind comin’ with you. What time do you have the reservations?” Russel asked, walking towards 2D in the case that they’d end up going back to their residence.

“About….2:00? That leaves a few hours, and I decided to end it early so we could add some pizazz if we decided to. It’s uptown, so I imagine I couldn’t go in this.” Noodle laughed. She pointed out the ripped jeans and faded t-shirt she was wearing, and this left Carrie a bit confused.

“But you look nice.” She piped up. “I’d go to the bistro in that.”

“Oh, well! Look at you, kid!” Noodle smiled as she ruffled the kid’s hair, “You’re being sweet. Sure you’re not trying to get something out of me?”

“Noods, love, Carrie’s too good for that, you know.” Murdoc explained as he walked to where the girls stood. “She’s not rude.”

“I can speak for myself, Mr. Niccals.” Carrie coughed. How dare he? Of course she was rude; she just wasn’t rude to people who weren’t Murdoc.

“...Scratch that.” He sighed. “Well, you guys going back or not? If you don’t mind, I can go ahead and head up there with her.”

“We did use your money, after all. Go on ahead.” Noodle said. “Now- 2D, Russ, are we headin’ back or not?”

“Sounds good to me.” Russel said, and 2D nodded.

“Gotcha. Yeah, Murdoc, go on ahead with Carrie, will you? The rest of us have appearances we care about.” Noodle laughed as she stuck her tongue out teasingly and led the other two men upstairs. Carrie watched as they left the studio and walked towards the small apartment they’d made over the building during these sessions.

“So, guess it’s you and me, eh?” Murdoc asked, walking towards the chair where Carrie had spent most her time and picking up the girl’s bag. “You need this?”

“No, I can keep it here. There’s nothing there I need to bring.” She snarled. “Do _you_ need it?”

“Yes, Carrie. I need this backpack to make me look like the most youthful man on the block!”  The man laughed as he threw the backpack over his shoulder and made a quick pose (which left Carrie growling).

“You’re joking."

“Of course I’m joking, love. You really can’t take a joke, can you?”

“And you can’t take responsibility, or at least couldn’t until Mother contacted you.” Carrie retorted, walking back to her chair to pet her cats before she came back and leaned against the doorframe. “I’ll wait until you're ready."

* * *

Their car ride was mostly silence except for the occasional clicks of radio buttons. Carrie assumed it was quiet because she simply didn’t want to talk to Murdoc, but Murdoc took the silence differently. It was obvious that it was due to this lack of a good relationship between them, but he took the moments of silence to contemplate the entirety of this situation. He looked over at the kid and he felt something about her that he couldn’t quite name yet. It wasn’t affection, it wasn’t love, it wasn’t the overbearing force of fatherhood that was supposed to leap out of men’s hearts once they saw their beautiful child. Hell, Murdoc didn’t know what fatherly affection was nor would he ever. Believe it or not, parental abuse never did wonders for a person who would possibly find themselves in the same parental situation. What was he supposed to _do_ ? Supposed to _say_ ? He’d been trying his best to not lash out or treat anyone unkindly around her; Maggie would wring his neck for that. He guessed the problem was that he was Murdoc, wasn’t he? Same ol’ Murdoc with his same ol’ tricks and his same ol’ negative image. What could he do other than crack jokes and forget the true gravity of the situation? He didn’t think taking care of Carrie was a _burden_ , but he felt as if it could cause something to him later. He probably had to think on it more- about what to say or what to do to actually make the kid like him. Carrie hated him right now, and he grimaced. He really couldn’t blame her.

“There’s nothing good on the radio.” Carrie muttered angrily as she long pressed the button to shut the music off. “How much longer until we’re there?”

“To be honest, I have no clue where it is. Noodle didn’t even give me instructions, but I assume it’s the new fancy building up beside the insurance offices. You know where that is?”

“No. I haven’t been in this city in forever.”

“Right...well, we’re on the same track, aren’t we? We’ll go there and we’ll see if we’re right.”

“Alright.”

“Sounds fair.”

“Sounds fair.” the man repeated. “Can I turn the radio back on?”

“No.”

“Gotcha.”

* * *

_1-15-16_

_The band took me out to eat today at some new place that required reservations. It was the guitarist’s idea (her name is Noodle, and she's incredibly pretty) and I’m very thankful. It was a really good time_

No, it really wasn’t.

 _a_ ~~_really_ ~~ _good time. Niccals and Russ let me sit at the head of the table, Noodle made sure to let me order first, and 2D chipped in by ordering extra fruit salad for his side just so he could give it to me._

Tears fell on her journal, smearing some of the ink.

_I saw a few people from my school. They like Gorillaz apparently and saw them there. They walked up and saw me. They said hello._

She sobbed a little louder, alone in the studio’s bathroom with nobody there but her kittens.

_I don’t like when people from school say hello to me. I didn’t let the others know, though. They didn’t need to worry about me._

If anyone were to come by and hear her cry, Carrie would be done for.

_I don’t like when kids from school say hello to me. I don’t like them. They know. They’ve always known._

She reached to pet on Vivian.

_The cake at the resturant was really nice, though._

Carrie sniffled.

_I wanna go home now. I ate too much and Mr. Niccals’ bass is giving me a headache._

She placed the ribbon as a bookmark, stood up, dusted off her dress and walked out of the bathroom with the small cat following behind her.

“You’re fine.” She lied. “Just fine.” What _wasn’t_ fine (by Carrie’s standards, at least) was that her crying spell had obvious effects on her once pale face, and she heard a voice quietly gasp behind her.

“Carrie? Are you alright?”

"I'm fine...just fine." Carrie lied. But she wasn't, and it was too late to try to cover it up again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what?? an update??? yes! finally! 
> 
> more one in one niccals time, diary perspectives from Carrie, and some sort of thing upsetting her. wonder what that could be and who is the one worrying about her...makes u think, huh? 
> 
> stay tuned for updates! <3


	5. Pick Up Where We Left Off

 

When Russel asked questions, people usually answered him with utmost honesty. There was a quality about him that made people open up, whether it be his calming demeanor that nobody distrusted or the simple glare he’d give when he knew someone had done wrong. Of course, as any kind person would do, Russel decided to take his calmer approach as he saw the girl walk out of the bathroom with puffy eyes and her journal clutched too close to her chest.

“Carrie? Are you alright?” he had asked, but she walked past and nodded.

“I’m fine...just fine.” Carrie said with a croaky voice and a swift walk past the drummer. She walked back to the studio, sat herself down on the chair and held Vivian close to her. She was quiet, unfocused, spacey, and he was worried. Russel decided the best thing to do at the moment was to leave her in her own company and go to the others. He left the window in which he was observing the girl and walked up to the small apartment upstairs where Noodle and Murdoc were lazing about on the carpet. Seems the uptown got them too worn out.

“You guys seen D?” Russel asked as he sat down on the carpet beside them.

“Think he’s off in the bedroom,” Murdoc mumbled, “probably off writin’ some lyrics we’ll probably never use.”

“Well, can you go get him? I wanna discuss something.” Russel asked.

“Why me?”

“Because you know where he is.”

“Can’t Noodle?”

“Can’t _you_? He’s a room away, Muds. Stop being lazy.” Russel sighed as he motioned towards the bedroom door. “It’ll take five seconds at most.”

Murdoc sighed, getting up from off the floor and rubbing the red imprints the carpet made on his face.

“I’ll be back.” Murdoc grumbled, and he walked off towards the direction of the room. With him gone, Noodle tilted her head in confusion.

“So, what’s up? I know you wanna say it now.”

“Should probably wait until Murdoc’s back, considering it’s about Carrie.” Russel said. “Caught her after she was crying. I’m worried.”

“Oh. Oh, yeah. She did seem a bit...off after we left.” Noodle recalled. “I guess she’s not saying anything. We’re gonna let Murdoc know?”

“Of course we’re telling him!” Russel answered immediately. “She’s his kid, after all. I’m not gonna take care of her for him all the time.”

“No, perfect sense. I’m not arguing with you.” Noodle shrugged. “He needs to take that responsibility. Is she okay right now?”

“Yeah, downstairs, sitting alone where she was when we were recording. She didn’t wanna talk about it.”

“Then maybe she needs time alone. Still, we’re getting Murdoc down there.” Noodle agreed. “We’re gonna discuss this further with D, right?”

“Yeah.” Russel said. As the two of them continued their small muttering, Murdoc walked back out of the room with a look of disappointment.

“He’s not in there. Let me guess, you want me to head downstairs and check there.” he sad as he laid back down on the floor with a groan. “Funny, but I can’t just roll down the stairs to look-”

“It’s about Carrie.” Noodle interrupted. “You know. The kid. _Your_ kid.”

“Yeah, lovely thing. What about her?” Murdoc asked as he found himself sitting up. It wasn’t a conscious action; it seemed like as soon as he heard the girl’s name he rose up with no mindful thought behind it. “She knows where 2D is?”

“No.” Russel replied. “No, she’s downstairs. She looked upset.”

“Thought she always was around me. I wouldn’t imagine her to be anything else though.”

“Yeah, but she looked _sad_ upset. Puffy eyes, croaky voice, sniffling.” Russel continued. He described how he saw the girl walk out with her sullen eyes and how she carried herself with what seemed like a burden. Murdoc took it in and pictured Carrie at her spot in the chair, still rubbing at her eyes and looking around the studio with a sense of isolation. Something about that struck him a bit.

“Oh, that’s it? Hm. Poor thing. Didn’t like the food? I thought it was nice. Made sure we got her what she wanted.”

“Don’t think that’s it. You should go check on her.” Noodle said as she held onto Murdoc’s hand in an attempt to lift him up. “She’s-”

“Yeah, yeah, she’s _my_ kid. I know. I’m going, I’m going.” Murdoc said, his hand withdrawing from Noodle’s. He stood up and dusted off his shirt in a huff and made a start for the door. He was close to opening it himself before it opened for him and 2D walked in. He waved at everyone in the room before he turned to Murdoc.

“Oh! Great timing,” he laughed, “some lady down there wants to see ya.” 2D said. “Looks like she’s a bit mad.” He then walked past the bassist and sat on the carpet where Murdoc once was. Murdoc glanced up at the clock and took note of the time: 3:42 pm. Couldn’t possibly be who he thought it was, so he chalked it off as some annoyed old hag with hearing issues who couldn’t stand the astonishing feeling of getting lucky enough to hear the previews of Gorillaz’s next banger of an album. He’d just give the woman the usual spiel.

“Yeah, sorry, but if I were you? I’d be pretty excited about it all. Between you and me, love, you’ve not got much time left. May gift you the album for free so the dulcet tones of Humanz can lull you away to heaven…” Murdoc recited to himself with a smile. God, he was hilarious. He continued his walk down the stairs and strolled past the studio window, where he saw Carrie sitting with her kittens in her lap, her eyes staring down at the floor, and a woman in the room beside her. _Huh_ , he thought, _she’s here early_.

“Oh, you. Finally. I was waiting for you to come down. I’ve been waiting with Carrie for some time now, you know.” the woman stated, opening the door with a hand on her hip and a poison in her already strong voice.

 _Huh_ , Murdoc thought again, _she’s not screwing around._

“Maggie, sweet, thought you weren’t off until six! They let you out early?” Murdoc laughed as he attempted to make light conversation with the woman. Granted, it wasn’t exactly easy to do such a thing with her eyes staring him down and their child sitting with a blank expression. A chill filled the air.

“Carrie called and asked me to come pick her up early. Said she wasn’t feeling well. Has she gotten sick?” Maggie asked as she posed herself behind Carrie and began stroking at her hair. “I could check for a fever.”

“What? No!” Murdoc responded with an awkward laugh. “Nah, not at all. Don’t think she is, at least.”

“Well, okay. You haven’t done anything too crazy that could’ve made her want to leave earlier? Not at all?” Maggie questioned as her foot tapped and her hands carded through her daughter’s dark hair. It was strange, now that she had a better view, just how much Carrie resembled Murdoc. Uncanny probably wasn’t the best word for the sensation, but it was the only one that could come to mind. Her eyes glanced again and again between the two of them, her observations being interrupted by Carrie coughing.

“No, we didn’t do anything bad. Nothing at all. They played music and they took me out to eat. I just don’t feel good, Mother.” Carrie explained. “My head hurts and I’m tired is all. I could be getting sick.”

“Oh, darling.” The woman cooed as she placed a kiss on her daughter’s head before she instructed her to close her eyes and rest for a bit. After leaving her be, Maggie and Murdoc walked out of the room. “I should’ve mentioned this earlier, Murdoc,” she began, “but sometimes she gets these _awful_ migraines that she tends to underestimate. They get triggered pretty easily...oh, perhaps I shouldn’t have brought her here. Too loud. Too...well, too involved with the band’s more mature personality.”

“Ha, you’re never one to skip a prime insult, are you?” Murdoc said with a bit of a huff. “I get it.”

“I’d hope you did. Now, she mentioned you and the others took her out to eat? No bars, I’d presume.” Maggie asked. Her foot tapped and she took on the persona of an interrogator. She motioned to the chairs outside the sound booth and without words asked the bassist to sit down across from her. Of course she was going to ask each and every thing he’d done with Carrie; he should’ve known he wouldn’t have been able to escape it. The woman sat with patience, dark eyes staring daggers. Had it not been for the young girl with her eyes closed in the armchair in the room behind them, the points probably would’ve cut through him.

“You honestly believe I’d do that. Take some nine year old to a bar.” Murdoc said to break the silence.

“Well, I wouldn’t be surprised if you did. It seems as if she’s telling the truth, too. I have to praise you for keeping it appropriate.” Maggie said. She adjusted herself on the chair, relaxing her posture a bit. Not that it mattered, by any means! No, Murdoc was a gentleman now. He wasn’t going to notice that Maggie still held herself with such a poise that made him stare with any sort of the “mature personality” that Maggie so very bluntly accused him of.

_Or maybe it did._

Eh, he wouldn’t say it aloud. She’d kill him if he wasn’t primarily focused on Carrie, but his mind was still so involved in wrapping his head around the sudden entrance of the child in his life plus his own hang ups about fatherhood that his mind could only execute these feelings of attraction. It still felt like a dream, somehow, discussing his daughter’s well being with a woman he’d only known from a one time thing.

“Well, you’re too kind to me, sweet. It’s been a band effort to get that gal to enjoy herself, you know.”

“Oh, the band’s been talking to her as well? I saw her and Russel were getting along fine. The other two like her, I hope?”

“Why wouldn’t they! She’s my spitting image, and you’ve never heard of someone who doesn’t like these looks.” Murdoc joked. His attempt to lighten the serious conversation backfired as the sharp stare he was receiving glinted brighter.

“Ha, funny. Well, I’m glad to hear that.” Maggie nodded. “I was afraid she would clam up.”

“Nah, not at all!” Murdoc confirmed. “Got on like a charm.”

“Perfect. Glad you all have some sense of looking after her.” Maggie sighed, about ready to get up and gather Carrie’s things. Before she could, the man coughed and gained her attention.

“So, uh, got a question.” The man said as he scratched the back of his head.

“Yes?” the woman replied, sitting back down with folded arms.

“Do I like tell you if she sees pals from school? Is that a parent thing? You can put it in the scrapbooks?” Murdoc questioned.

“Pals? Carrie doesn’t have many ‘pals’ at school.”

“I mean, some boys walked up to see us ‘cause we’re famous n’ all. They saw your girl and said somethin’ to her, but I didn’t pick up on it.” Murdoc said, but as the words left his lips did Maggie go slightly pale. A glance over to Carrie (now napping, it seemed) in the other room and a deep sigh later, Maggie looked up. Murdoc noticed that this new information disturbed her.

“What…what did they look like?” She asked with her arms still folded. Her fingers worriedly tapped against her left arm. “Two boys you said.”

“Yeah. One was pretty tall, blonde, _horrible_ teeth, bit of a lisp, really annoying. The other one,” Murdoc started, about to describe how the other boy’s eyes were too far apart and how his voice sounded like a dying animal on the side of the road. He never got to this roadkill metaphor, though, as Maggie exhaled with what looked to be a combination of anger and worry.

“Oh. _Them_.” she muttered. “To put it simply, they’re kids who constantly pick at Carrie. You know she’s different.”

“Yeah, she is the dark and broody type.” Murdoc mentioned, but Maggie shook her head. The look on her face was much more concerned and held so much feeling in it. To sum it up, she looked utterly pissed. Whether it was due to the situation, Murdoc’s forgetfulness, or a mix of both, it angered her.

“That’s part of it, but I told you first thing about her and the things she’s bullied for. Those two...” Maggie hesitated, her lips muttering obscenities before deciding on a sarcastic insult, “... _kids_ , I suppose, are constantly picking at her for being who she is. Constantly. I’ll have to contact their parents. Again. God, no wonder she’s not feeling good…” This small rant led Maggie to stand up from her chair and start pacing about the room. Murdoc followed after, sensing that this was a big deal, and it most definitely was. He had been too oblivious to notice Carrie was being hurt by the kids, and in a matter of seconds did the exact reason why she was being hurt click. It was probably the biggest piece of information Maggie had given him, and the only one she swore he had to take to heart. He gulped to himself, mentally scolding himself for not picking up on it sooner. He’d have to apologize to the kid if he muster up the humility to. 

“Yeah, I can imagine.” Murdoc sighed as he walked back into the studio to wake his daughter. “Take her home, will you? Unless you want her to stay here a bit longer. We’ve still got some bangers to work out.”

“No, thank you. Think it’d be best for her to go home now.” Maggie said, and she followed behind the man and pushed her way through to her daughter. Gently, she shook Carrie’s shoulder and spoke slightly louder than usual. “Carrie, honey, wake up. We’re going home now.”

“Huh?” Carrie muttered, rubbing at her eyes as she opened them slowly to see her parents standing in front of her. “Oh. Home.”

“Sure thing, kid. Hope you enjoyed it here at this rockin’ little place. You’ll get more of our ass kickin- “

“ _Excuse_ me?”

“Ah, right. Language. Sorry, Mags. Our _butt_ kicking music. You’ll get the whole shebang, doll. Now, I’ll get the others down here and get ‘em to say goodbye.”

“No, it’s okay. Just tell them I said goodbye and I appreciate the kindness from them. Tell Noodle that Katsu is amazing, 2D that he can sing, and Russel that he’s very kind.”

"Anything about me?" Murdoc asked, a nudge hitting onto Carrie's shoulder. 

"No." Carrie muttered sternly as she stood up, stretched, and began to pick up her things. It was then that the two adults saw the red eyes, red nose, and remnants of tear streaks down Carrie’s face. It hurt them for seperate reasons- Maggie’s hurt came from the fact that it was her little girl, and Murdoc’s came from knowing exactly what it felt like to be nine, crying, and absolutely full of self hatred. Empathy, when he had it, was a _bitch_.

“It’d be nice to say those things to them face to face, darling.” Maggie suggested, but Carrie shook her head and continued her gathering.

“No. Mr. Niccals can say it to them. I want to go home.” Carrie insisted. With a small hop to adjust her backpack on her back, she walked towards the man and held out a hand. “Goodbye.”

“Well, see you, kiddo, when you come back."

“Alright.” Carrie stated. She gestured her hand and coughed so she could bring Murdoc’s attention to it. Awkwardly, his reached his hand out and grasped it onto Carrie’s. This resulted in an awkward handshake, and Carrie wiped her hand on her dress after they let go. No matter how upset she was feeling, she would still take chances to remind the bassist that she was disgusted by him.  She smirked weakly, stuck her tongue out, and turned around to grab her mother’s hand. It had to be a brand by now.

“Well, guess we’ll be heading off. If this is one of her headaches, she can get nauseated and I don’t want her throwing up all over the place, you know. Especially not near you...the janitors may not be able to tell the difference.” Maggie snarled, but she smiled softly after it. A joke. A light -hearted joke. Maggie, who hated Murdoc with a passion, made a light-hearted joke and smiled at the man with sincerity. God, now it felt like _she_ could vomit.

“Alright, take care. She likes sitting in the back, you know. She’ll poke fun and kill you if you even suggest her sitting in the fro-”

“Shut up, Mr. Niccals. She knows me better than you do." Carrie said. With this retort, the two walked out of the studio, headed to Maggie’s car and slowly made their way out of the lot and onto the road. Murdoc shook his head and stomped up the stairs.

“You’re back!” 2D exclaimed. “We were betting on whether or not that woman killed you. Russ guessed she did, Noodle hoped you was just maimed, really, and I said-”

“It was Maggie, she took Carrie.” Murdoc interrupted, unsure of what to follow it up with. To tell them what was wrong was to expose Carrie’s issues. Murdoc was nothing more than a biological dad to Carrie, and something (probably named “Maggie And A Butcher Knife”) stopped him from telling the band exactly why Carrie had left. “She got sick. Why she was cryin’ the bathroom. Bistro food must’ve made her sick. Got ‘cooties’ or whatever the youth says these days from those boys who came by. That’s it, that’s all, no worries about the gal. We can focus on recording now. Get down here in ten minutes, I wanna review whatever excuse of handwriting 2D turned in to me.” He huffed, walking out of the door just as quick as he entered it. The remaining three looked at each other, worried slightly. It seemed like it was more than simply Carrie getting sick, and maybe had more to do with Maggie coming to get her early. The three sat and wondered what to do or what to think about the whole situation, but 2D’s mind shifted topics quickly and he spoke up with a small pout.

“And here I thought my penmanship was gettin’ better.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> band talks, maggie comes to get carrie, maggie interacts with murdoc, murdoc mentions something that shows he was somewhat Attentive, band talks to murdoc, murdoc thinks about life, carrie is sad....here's where we start getting Personal. 
> 
> stay tuned for updates! <3


	6. Agitation

Murdoc shouldn't have been so vulnerable to them. Thankfully, he didn't feel that prick of regret nor a single thing after the recording for the night ended. To avoid mulling over this mistake, he slammed the door to the apartment's only bedroom and poured himself a drink. He only felt the warm of the alcohol as he sat in his self imposed silence, sipping on whiskey and staring down the wall. The wall wouldn't sass him or call him "Mr. Niccals" in a snide tone, nor would it stare at him with eyes that so perfectly matched his. Kids were a bother. Carrie should feel like a bother, just a little bit, and the fact that she never came across as a bother didn’t do wonders for him. Her presence left him confused and scared- an entire whirlpool of doubt clouding up his mind. _Just take another swig, bastard, you'll find time to apologize to the kid in time_ , Murdoc thought with a pain arising in his left side. It wasn’t anything big, maybe just a hunger pain. It’d go away eventually, like leaves on trees in the fall or the initial prick of a finger at the doctors (very reminiscent to the one that proved that Carrie was his, really). He sipped again, keeping the bottle to his lips for a minute or so before he emptied it out and set it down hard on the pillow beside him. Small drops of the drink stained the pillowcase, looking like tears. Looking like the ones Carrie had cried. Those little shits made her cry. _Wait_ . It wasn’t the time to think about this, or else he’d find himself regretting his choices for the rest of his life (not that he didn’t do that already). Closing his eyes, Murdoc slammed his head down on the pillow and hoped to fall asleep. He’d think about all this later- right now he just had to avoid it.  
_Avoid._  
_Avoid?_ Murdoc opened his eyes. Avoid. Just avoid the problem as always! It could work. Maybe he’d try it. Thing was, though, Carrie was hard to avoid and Maggie’s stubbornness was a wall in his path. He surmised that if he couldn’t avoid the people, he’d avoid the feelings. Treat them as if they were just old pals, none of this parenting stuff. He wasn’t a parent! Murdoc was never meant to hold that role, and he never would. Too damaged for that. He winced again as he looked at those stains on the pillow, smelling the alcohol in the hazy air and cursing to himself in a daze. Carrie could handle herself, no need for him to try anymore. Murdoc had already had the conversation with himself, he’d already yelled, he’d already downed the bottle, he’d already decided he was not gonna feel so openly for the kid. He wouldn’t ignore her, no way, no how; he couldn’t let her feel the same as he did when he was younger. Murdoc had to slap sense back into himself after this thought, for he found it all to be common sense. Besides, he had a record to focus on, a limelight to step back into, and a hell of lot more bottles to drink away at if those nasty emotions came back to taunt him.

* * *

Carrie cried again in the back of the car, staring up at her reflection in the rear view mirror before looking down again. She was too afraid to look at herself.  
“Baby….” Maggie started, her voice aching and her entire being wanting to reach out and put its arms around her daughter’s shoulders in the warmest hug. That would have to wait until the two of them were home, off the road and comfortable. “Baby, I’m so sorry about what happened over there. I promise to you, I’m calling their parents again and I’m not holding back-”

“I don’t get why he was concerned. I swore he didn't care.” Carrie muttered from the back seat, her eyes now shifted to looking down at the cats in her lap and how her clothes were now covered in fur.

“Huh?” Maggie said, “Who, sweetie?” To be honest, Maggie knew Carrie was going to mention Murdoc. His behavior when Maggie came to get her girl was very uncharacteristic of him, and it was bound to be noticed by an acute girl such as Carrie. To be fair, though, Murdoc was still presenting his more unchangeable quirks; Maggie still noticed he was oblivious and couldn't piece together what Carrie was being teased about despite her glaringly obvious hints. She didn't expect anything less from him, though. It had to be Murdoc’s initial bringing up of the kids at the restaurant that she least expected to happen, and it was obviously something Carrie picked up on.

“My father. He seemed concerned after you mentioned that those two bullied me." Carrie sighed.

"Well, I can't say for sure if he actually...was that...but he did seem to feel something...oh, Carrie, can we leave it for when we get home?" Maggie insisted. "You'll feel much better once you eat and rest up a bit more."

"Alright."

"Okay, sweetie. Just close your eyes, okay? We'll be home soon enough. Then, you can tell me about the good things that happened today." Maggie soothed, her voice still aching for the moment she'd be able to comfort Carrie with a hug. She looked out onto the road, eyebrows furrowed in thought. Millions of things ran through Maggie's mind as the trees of the back roads were blurs in the corner of her eyes: how she'd reprimand those kids for calling Carrie by that old name and by those words, what she'd make for dinner, and if Murdoc really did have some compassion for Carrie after all. She supposed she just had to avoid it for now.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> short chap n late update bc school is kicking me butt and i wanna make those band member n carrie solo chaps long :o thank you for being patient!! mwah mwah! 
> 
> stay tuned for updates ;3c


	7. Entry: Russel

_1-16-16_

_I have a feeling this is going to be a very long day._ _Mother didn't even walk me in to the studio or kiss my forehead this morning. She just said goodbye and didn't even take her regular chance to yell at Mr. Niccals. In fact, she didn't even get out of the car. She just waved at the door, watched as Russel and 2D waved back, and drove off. She's upset because those boys called me by that V name again...and she's also upset I told her my father was an asshole straight up. I got in some trouble for that quip- it was unladylike language. She curses him all the time, though, so I assume that I could have too. Mothers are weird- it was an applicable word. I think she likes that I hate him. I do, no doubt, but I think she wants me to hate him with all my heart. My heart is not worth all that hate dedicated towards just him, though. Too exhausting, and I hate him enough right now. Why add more to it? I write this, sitting on my chair after Mr. Niccals threw a stale muffin in my direction and told me in a slurred voice to "eat up and tell my mother hello." How that was meant to help, I have no clue. Was that his version of concern? I hope there's no loud guitar this time, my head still aches. Russel offhandedly mentioned a song about a carnival during lunch yesterday. I might like it. I like him, anyway._

"How we doing this morning, kid?" asked a voice walking into the studio. Carrie perked up hearing this voice (although a little startled by his sudden appearance, as if he knew Carrie had just written about him), and she turned around with a small smile.

"Tired, Russel. Really tired." Carrie confessed. Her hands calmly slammed the journal shut, and she fumbled with her bag to put it back up. It was obvious to Russel that Carrie still hadn't fully recovered from yesterday; her mannerisms were still shaky and with closer inspection did Russel see small popped blood vessels under the girl's dark eyes.

"Didn't sleep well?" Russel asked as he sat himself down on the floor beside the chair. Carrie sighed and nodded, her hands under her thighs in some attempt to hide their fidgeting.

"Hardly at all, really," she admitted, “yesterday was kinda bad. Plus, I got this tossed at me first thing." Carrie gestured to the muffin beside her on the chair- Murdoc's only acknowledgement of her so far.

"I get you," Russel started, his hand reaching over to grab the stale food. He looked at it with disgust (really, anything Murdoc decided to touch was nasty) and turned his head to scan the room for a garbage can, "I saw you were a little rough yesterday."

"Ah, well...what can you do, huh?" Carrie muttered. With this small quip, Carrie felt her eyes flutter a little, and a yawn escaped from her mouth. The silence of the room -- minus the quiet static of an amp and the sound of her father's gifted breakfast hitting the bottom of the garbage can-- were almost convincing her to fall asleep right then and there, but she was stirred when Russel looked up at her. His face held a softness that Carrie found tender and warm.

"What we can try to do is get you to sleep. You're looking really zoned out. No way we can just let you sit there." Russel suggested, "so come on. Get up. Don't think anyone's up in the place upstairs. Get the whole crib to yourself for a bit."

"Oh, no, I'm fine, really-"

"No arguments, Carrie, I'm not in a mood to hear that," Russel interrupted, "now let's get up, and then you're crashing in the only bed. Bring all your stuff up too." Russel took a moment to get himself up off the floor, and he dusted himself off before he crossed his arms, walked out to the stairs that led to the apartment, and waited for Carrie to follow after him.

"Alright," Carrie started, her now warm and reddish, seam indented hands grabbing onto the book bag and her long sleeves flowing with air as she hopped off the chair. Then, mimicking Russel unknowingly, she dusted herself off and crossed her arms before heading towards the door. She was entirely ready to open it, but its sudden creaking signaled someone was already doing that for themselves. Backing away to avoid getting hit, Carrie watched as Murdoc walked in. She smelled a faint scent of alcohol. Her face immediately grimaced.

"Ah, Carrie! Fruit of my loins, the re of my production. Enjoy the breakfast this morning? It was lemon poppy seed, if I remember. Hope you like those, we've had 'em in the fridge since 2015..." Murdoc started with that loud, boastful voice of his.

"I didn't eat it. Too hard. Now, I'm going upstairs to rest, if you don't mind. My head hurts, I barely slept, and looking at you makes it worse." Carrie snarked, about to push her father out of the way before he let out an exhale. This made her stop for a moment, in anticipation for Murdoc to take offense to it. Sadly, Murdoc had no shame and took this insult as he took all the backlash Carrie threw at him- with a crooked smile and a laugh to keep the mood up.

"You're gonna miss out on some killer tunes, sweet!"

"Better for me." Carrie responded as she walked outside the door and stood beside Russel. Her hands clenched to the straps of her bag as she waited for Russel to guide her up, but Russel shook his head. He pointed up the stairs, telling the girl that it was alright to head up there before him.

"I'll be up in a minute. Gotta get some details worked out with Murdoc." Russel explained, giving a smile to Carrie as he watched her carefully step up to the apartment. When the girl was out of his view, he strolled with frustration towards Murdoc.

"You know, maybe you should be up there tucking her in. Considering she's yours, and your responsibility, and you know, yours!" Russel emphasized.

"Tell me something I don't bloody know already, Russ. Kid might sucker punch me if I make it up there with her alone. Always on the lookout. Can't have a ninth break, you know." Murdoc argued back, a smirk spreading onto his already smug face.

"If you interacted like an actual, functional father throughout her life, who gave even a little bit of a shit about her, maybe she wouldn't feel like punching you."

"Oh, just go that low, huh, Russ? Whatever. I'll try even damn harder, then, since apparently giving her breakfast and the best seats in the house for the record isn't enough? I give a shit, or else I wouldn't be acknowledging her." Murdoc snarled. "I try what I can and it isn't enough?"

"Don't even start with that just because you..." Russel began, his voice raising in volume before he clenched his fists and shook his head to clear it of its strain. "You just head up there and say something to Carrie before she's asleep, alright? Yesterday was rough for her." He was talking slowly to take time to destress, and when he finally reached some level of peace he glared and left the studio. He said it was time to get Carrie comfortable. Murdoc watched as Russel left to go upstairs, and he cursed Russel's soft heart. Carrie was just some kid that so happened to be his, all she'd be was some kid, he wasn't getting attached, and that was something Murdoc still had to convince himself of. He kicked the garbage can beside him in frustration, watching as the muffin bounced against the white plastic bag. As it turned out, it was actually blueberry. 

* * *

_1-16-16_

_Russel hates Niccals too. I think he might hate him more than I do. After he laid me down in this bed, I asked him if he actually liked Murdoc. He told me he despised the man. I asked why he still worked with him. Russel said it was complicated, but if it were up to him, he'd willingly give Murdoc a "taste of his own medicine" and beat him up, I think. He's done it before. I already knew he was a bad person, but Russel seemed to want me to know that he hates Niccals and he’s much worse than he seems. He said he was sorry about me being related to him, but that there was nothing he could do about it. He left me alone after turning off the big light and switching on a lamp and said Murdoc would be up to actually have a real conversation with me before I slept. I don't know if I want t_

Her eyes finally felt heavy enough to close, and Carrie dropped the pen onto the floor and had her head sink into the pillow. The journal pages laid open beside her, and there was silence in the room. Suddenly, footsteps were heard walking up towards where she was resting. Russel walked back in, seemingly forgetting something he needed for the sessions today. Looking around, Russel took notice of Carrie already sound asleep. Seeing her in this peaceful state led him to sigh softly, walk over and stare. He patted Carrie's head, ruffling her hair a bit.

She was a sweet kid, no matter her circumstances.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OOF THIS WAS LATE !! i am so sorry guys!! school n the overwhelming pressure of Life Itself kept me from writing this but no way i'm givin up on this fic!!! we got a Bunch to do n a lot to see- hope the Russ n Carrie content makes up for it. 
> 
> stay tuned for updates ;3


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